CJ's journal: Why now
by sashathetech
Summary: When her life gets turned upsidedown CJ writes about her life with Leo. CJLeo
1. Chapter 1

This is my first CJ/Leo story and I'm a little nervous about posting  
it. So please send feedback to let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Everything you recognize belongs to  
Johns Wells, NBC, Aaron Sorkin etc. I'm a poor 22 year old who still  
lives at home. So please don't sue.

This just kind of came to me the other day. If this sounds at all  
like anyone else's story I am very sorry. That just means that I have  
Read your story so many times I have it memorized.

Chapter 1

December 16th, 2006

I can't believe that this happened now. We were so happy the last few weeks, then this happened and my whole life got turned upside down.

Well I guess I should start at the beginning.

December 1997

Toby came to get me today, perfect timing as usual; I had just lost my job. He said he found a good man running for president, and they needed my help. So I packed up my house and moved to New Hampshire.

When I first got there Toby introduced me to the staff. Josh, who has turned out to be one of my best friends. Sam, who I have come think of as a brother. Governor Bartlet who is like a father to me now. Then there was Leo, this is where the real story is.

You see when I first shook hands with Leo a shot of electricity like I had never felt before shot through me. I know it shot through him to because he looked me right in the eyes and I saw strait into his soul.

At the time he was married and I did not want to destroy what he had worked so hard for. So for the next two years we worked together without ever giving into the temptations that we both felt.

October 1999

Leo forgot his anniversary and Jenny left him today.

I was on my way out when he stopped me by touching my arm, once again the sparks shot through me; I pulled my arm away slightly. He asked me if he could walk out with me. My first reaction was that I would not be able to control my self if we were alone for long, but I thought it was about work, so I said sure.

Right outside the gates he pulled me to sit down on one of the benches near the fence. It was late and there were not many people around. As we sat there I could not help but grab his hand as he told me about the night before.

How when he got home Jenny was waiting for him with her bags packed and how he had moved into the Watergate hotel. I sat there with him as we both cried. I was crying both sad and happy tears, sad because I was hearing of almost 30 years of marriage ending, and happy because we were finally free to be with each other.

I am not going to say that after that every thing was perfect, no good relationship is, but for a bit it was good. Then we hit a few rough patches.

Nobody knew of our relationship yet and that was weighing on me, but I knew that we could not say anything till the divorce was finalized. So we kept it to ourselves, by having all of our dates at home mostly his hotel because of room service and that was fine for awhile.

November 1999

Today Toby asked me if I was seeing anyone and I told him I was , but that I was not able to tell him who yet. That hurt me a lot and Leo and I had a big fight about it. We finally agreed that we could tell just our best friends, Toby for me and the President for him.

What went on in the room when Leo told him I don't know because that was we had said, That no matter what we would never ask what went on and that we would never tell.

I did not have a good conversation with Toby in my office. Most of what was said I will keep to myself, but I will say that when he asked me if I was just sleeping with Leo to get higher up on the ladder I slugged him so hard he got a black eye and a broken nose.

December 1999

Once we knew we could survive telling our closest friends, and Toby was talking to me again, we thought it was time to tell our families.


	2. Chapter 2

This is my first CJ/Leo story and I'm a little nervous about posting it. So please send feedback to let me know what you think. Thank you Eleanor for bataing this for me

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Everything you recognize belongs to Johns Wells, NBC, and Aaron Sorkin etc. I'm a poor 22 year old who still lives at home. So please don't sue.

This just kind of came to me the other day. If this sounds at all like anyone else's story I am very sorry. That just means that I have read your story so many times I have it memorized.

Chapter 2

January 2000

Before we could do that Claypool turned our lives upside-down.

I can't describe how badly I want to be up there with him right now, but I know I can't be.

I was there for him tonight when he vented his frustration at having to have his problems known by strangers all over the country. Then I held him as he cried for all the pain he caused his family in the past.

We have decided that we need to start telling our families. We will then deal with what comes next.

So I called up my father and told him that I was seeing Leo, his first reaction was that he was too old for me, but then he forgot what he was saying and asked me how school was going. My step-mother said she would tell him later when he was more lucid. Leo held me this time.

I don't know exactly what happened when Leo talked to Mallory and Jenny, but I do know that what I got back from that lunch was a slightly bruised Leo and a very pissed off Sam, who found out when Mallory slapped him because she thought he knew and didn't tell her.

February 4 2000

We told the staff today. We have been together for almost five months, so we figured it was time they knew anyway. Sam was pissed he found out the way he did, but otherwise happy for us. Josh was upset that he was the last to know, but once we gave him a minute to get over that he was happy. The assistants all squealed and I'm almost positive I saw money changing hands most of it going to Margaret.

February 23 2000

Once it was out to our co-workers we had a few weeks to be ourselves before we went on the trip to L.A. and Ted Marcus's party, where I fell in the pool again. That is also where all hell broke loose on our lives once again.

You see when I fell in to the pool Leo happened to be right near by, so he help me out of the pool. It would not have so awful if my dress didn't stick to me as badly as it did. You see Leo wrapped his jacket around me in order to hide my chest which was showing through the dress, as he did this he did what he always does out of habit , which is rub my arms a little bit and give me a slight peck on the head. It was not overly suggestive of a relationship, but at a party full of reporters and entertainers it was a disaster.

March 2 2000

Within the last week the whole world has found out about our relationship. It hasn't been as bad as we thought it would be. I mean sure there have been a few negative comments, but most people have said that we looked good together. We have had a few republicans asking what kind of a white house we were running, but the boys were able to get them to stop complaining after awhile. No one will tell me what was said; I just hope I don't have to deal with the aftermath later.


	3. Chapter 3

This is my first CJ/Leo story and I'm a little nervous about posting it. So please send feedback to let me know what you think. Thank you Eleanor for bataing this for me

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Everything you recognize belongs to Johns Wells, NBC, and Aaron Sorkin etc. I'm a poor 22 year old who still lives at home. So please don't sue.

This just kind of came to me the other day. If this sounds at all like anyone else's story I am very sorry. That just means that I have read your story so many times I have it memorized.

Chapter 3

May 16 2000

The last two months have been relatively calm at least as far as our relationship is concerned. We are on our way to Rosslyn for a town hall meeting.

May 20 2000

The last three days have been hell. When the shots started I tried to get to Leo, but Sam threw me down to the ground. I keep having dreams about what would have happened if he had not been there.

I was so scared especially when I could not find Leo, but Sam told me that he was put into a car. When Toby found Josh my heart stopped, Josh has been a great friend to me. Once we got to the hospital, I got to see Leo my whole world crumbled as he held me while I cried.

Josh is out of surgery now and Leo and the president just came out from seeing him. Leo told me that Josh's only words were "what's next?" That made me smile.

All day I have been having flashbacks to when Toby came to get me. Leo told me he was thinking of when he went to get Josh to come to Nashua. I know he is blaming himself and I am trying to get him to stop. Now that he has seen Josh, we are going to go home and try to get some sleep.

June 2000

Since Rosslyn I have been having some nightmares, where one of us gets shot. I wake up screaming, the only thing that calms me down is talking to Leo. I have decided that he is going to move in with me and I am going to keep him close to me for as long as I can.

July 2000

Finally, I talked Leo into moving into my apartment with me. He is the only one who could keep the nightmares away. As long as he is there when I wake up the nightmares don't scare me as much as when he is not there to hold me.

August 2000

Josh is driving me insane; sure I am teasing him a bit by switching around psychics and physicists, but he really needs to stop. I mean nobody's going to really care, but I'll mention it anyway.

Ok so I just got back from the press room and there is a very angry message from Josh waiting for me on my voicemail. I guess I'm going to have to call him and apologize for what happened. I got him a pair of pajamas to make up for it, but I got them a bit to big.

September 2000

Leo figured that we needed a break from all the insanity here, so we are going on away for the weekend. I am not quite sure where we are going because he won't tell me. I have a feeling this weekend is more then just some time for us to relax.

Oh man, the weekend started off great he took me to a little bed and breakfast right outside of D.C. It was such a beautiful room. We had a little time before we had to go down for dinner. We made love in the late afternoon sun that was coming threw the window.

Dinner was amazing until the waiter came over and told Leo there was a phone call for him. I knew it was bad when I found out who he was talking to. We are on our way back to D.C. now. Well at least we got to spend a few hours alone.


	4. Chapter 4

This is my first CJ/Leo story and I'm a little nervous about posting it. So please send feedback to let me know what you think. Thank you Eleanor for bataing this for me

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Everything you recognize belongs to Johns Wells, NBC, and Aaron Sorkin etc. I'm a poor 22 year old who still lives at home. So please don't sue.

This just kind of came to me the other day. If this sounds at all like anyone else's story I am very sorry. That just means that I have read your story so many times I have it memorized.

**Chapter 4**

**October 30 2000**

**I can't believe this; I told Leo a small joke about Notre Dame while we were getting ready this morning and he went and snitched to The President that I like Michigan more then Notre Dame. So now I am on my way to Portland, wearing a Notre Dame cap and singing their Fight song.**

**I swear, one of these days I'm going to seriously hurt Danny. He tortured me the whole flight, by not giving back the first draft of the speech. Finally, he returned it to Toby. Turns out he went to Notre Dame.**

**November 1 2000**

**We just got back from Portland and Leo was there to meet us. He asked me if I was up to going out to dinner. It was late, but I could tell there was something on his mind.**

**We just got back from dinner where Leo told me that his divorce papers came while I was gone. He signed them and in a few weeks he will be divorced. I am very happy about this. I can't wait for our lives to really start.**

**November 10 2000**

**We went out to dinner again tonight. It started out as a nice quiet dinner we were talking about our week, but I could tell that there was something wrong. He kept fidgeting. I could not figure out what was going on.**

**We had just finished dinner, when the waiter came with the dessert tray I turned to look at it; when I turned back to Leo he was down on one knee with a ring in his hand. He said that he had had the ring since right after Rosslyn, and that he was going to propose that weekend we went away. He told me that he had loved me since we first me, and that I would make him the happiest man in the world if I agreed to marry him.**

**Once I stopped crying, I told him that I too had loved him since we met and that of course I would marry him. He put the ring on my finger, and I started crying again. It is such a gorgeous ring. It has an emerald surrounded by three small topaz stones. Topaz is my birth stone and I have always loved emeralds. I can not believe that all my dreams could come true in one night like this.**

**November 11 2000**

**I wore the ring to work today. The first person I saw was Carol and at first she did not notice it, but when I went to reach for a file from her desk she grabbed my hand and squealed so loud that all the other girls came running to see what had happened.**

**The president gave us both hugs. Abbey told me that she has not seen Leo this happy in a long time. The boys reacted about how I thought they would. Josh lifted me off the ground and spun me around. Sam just gave me a hug and told us that he was happy for us. **

**Toby was his same old stubborn self and just said his congratulations then he went back to his office. I followed him and told him that I loved Leo and he better be happy for me because I needed him to be there to give me away along with my father. He said that all he really wanted was for me to be happy, and as long as I was he would be happy for me. He also said that he would be happy to walk me down the aisle **

**November 12 2000**

**I talked to my father today and told him and my step mother that I was getting married. He informed me he thought I was too young but if Leo made me happy then he would be there for me. Molly said that he was having a good day and what he was saying was not part of the Alzheimer's. I just want my dad to be happy for me.**

**November 15 2000**

**Leo and I had an uncomfortable dinner with Mallory tonight. It started out ok; we had been out to diner together before, but once she noticed the ring she got very upset. She said that the divorce papers were not even dry and he was already replacing her mother. I told her that I was not trying to replace her mother. She said that she was talking to her father and not me. Leo told her that he loved her, but he loved me just as much and he was going to be marrying me no matter what. After he finished, she got up from the table and left the restaurant.**

**November 16 2000**

**I have been engaged to the man I love for six whole days now and I can't believe it took that long for someone in the press to figure out that I had a new ring on my finger. It happened this afternoon at my two o'clock briefing.**

**I was just finishing the announcements when I used my hand to move some hair behind my ear; the whole place went silent for a second. Then Danny put his hand up and asked if there was anything else I would like to share. I said "What is this show and tell?" **

**After they stopped laughing I saw Leo come in the door next to the podium** **(later, I found out he had been walking by a monitor when I got the question). He smiled as he walked up to stand next to me and I said "Yes, Danny there is something else I would like to announce, Leo McGarry has asked me to marry him."**

**The whole press corps smiled at me and once again Danny stood up and said "On behalf of the press corps I would like to say congratulations, and Leo if you hurt her you will have to deal with us."**


	5. Chapter 5

This is my first CJ/Leo story and I'm a little nervous about posting it. So please send feedback to let me know what you think. Thank you Eleanor for bataing this for me

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Everything you recognize belongs to Johns Wells, NBC, and Aaron Sorkin etc. I'm a poor 22 year old who still lives at home. So please don't sue.

This just kind of came to me the other day. If this sounds at all like anyone else's story I am very sorry. That just means that I have read your story so many times I have it memorized.

Chapter 5

November 22 2000

I am going to kill the boys. I walked into my office this morning to find two turkeys walking loose around my office. It turns out that I have to decide which of them President will pardon. The other turkey has to be sent back to the farm so he can be someone's turkey dinner. I ended up picking Eric because Troy doesn't like to be touched. I don't want Troy to be killed, I'll figure out something.

I invited the boys to have Thanksgiving dinner with Leo and me. Toby asked me if I could cook, I said that Boston Market was cooking for me this year. So for dinner tomorrow there will be ten people: Leo, Sam, Josh, Toby, Donna, Margaret, Carol, Charlie and his sister, and of course me.

November 29 2000

I just got back from a concert that I didn't really get to see much of. Sam and I were asked to go so that we could try to figure out a broader theme for the classroom tomorrow. I really didn't want to go because I had promoted Simon to be my new deputy and some of the people I interview but rejected would be there. Since I was a little upset about Gary Saunders booing me, I ended up almost shouting to Tad Whitney that I was great in bed and a few guys near by heard me.

Once we got back to the White House we had to update the President and I mention that depending on who those guys were a story might get out about what I said. Leo over heard it and told me that when we get home I need to prove it to him, I can and will do that.

December 24 2000

Something is going on with Josh and it is starting to scare me. He yelled at the President and then he somehow hurt his hand. I don't think I know the whole story yet. Leo has called in someone to talk to him. I think Leo knows what is going on.

Leo is finally home I thought he was going to miss our first Christmas as an engaged couple. He told me that Josh has PTSD and he is going to need everyone's help to get him through this. I will help in anyway I can.

Leo and I are going to have a quiet dinner in tonight and tomorrow we are all getting together at Toby's place for dinner. Toby is going to be cooking this dinner, so I better make sure I bring the takeout menus.

December 26 2000

Dinner last night, I am surprised to say, was very good. Who knew that Toby could cook, he must have gotten it from all those years of watching Miss Julia Child. I think that the whole night went really well. Josh laughed for the first time since he came back to work.

Once Leo and I got home we exchanged gifts. I got him two pairs of cuff links, one pair was simple gold with his intials on one and mine on the other. The other pair was a joke pair, a pair of neon green dice.

He gave me a beautiful chain that had a gold heart with a large pear shape amethyst stone in the center and eight small round green sapphires around the outside. I really love it.

He also told me that we are going to be leaving for a few days, but he won't tell me where. I can't wait, because we have not been away from every thing for awhile.

December 31 2000

The last few days have been so great. Leo took me to Hawaii. We just got to Manchester for the President's New Year's Eve party. Everyone was trying to get details of our vacation from me, but I wouldn't tell them anything.

I finally got them to stop by asking Josh if he really wanted details, when he said yes I started to tell him about what happened when we first got to the room. Leos faced started to turn red and when Josh saw him he made me stop and told me to never give him details again.

January 10 2001

The Leadership Breakfast is in a few days. I think every thing will work out all right, now that we know the idiot boys did not burn down the white house.

I was working with a bunch of people on the seating arrangements. Once we figured out where everyone, but the President, were going to sit Ginger came in and asked if any smelled smoke.

It turned out Josh and Sam tried to light a fire in a fire place that had the flu welded shut. Poor Charlie had to wake the President.

January 13 2001

My fiancé is an idiot. He told Josh to go apologize to Karen Cahill for a joke Leo made about her shoes.

Josh sent Sam to do it. Sam said Kyrgyzstan instead of Kazakhstan. So he sent Donna to apologize and she dropped a pair of underwear at Karen's feet. Which Karen then sent back to Josh who played with them until Donna took them back.

The Leadership breakfast was a disaster, because Ann Stark is a total bitch. I will not get into it here because I will most likely tear apart this book if I get started.


	6. authors note

Author's note

I know I have not updated in a long time do to life interrupting my writing.

I am going away for a few months and hopefully will have done some writing while I am gone.

So look for more from me in October.

Sasha


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